How To Become More Confident Around Women in 3 Simple Steps

Let’s talk about confidence: Girls always say that they love confidence in guys.

As I was growing up, it always felt like girls would always go for the guys who were more confident and outgoing. Whenever I had a crush on a girl, most of the time I would be too scared to ask her out. My mind would tell me things like “she probably already has a boyfriend,” and if I did try to talk to her then I would become super awkward and would barely even be able to say anything.

This makes it especially difficult because as men, we’re the ones who are expected to be the initiators when it comes to dating. It’s up to us to take the first step and ask her out, to go for the first kiss, to ask her to be exclusive, to say the first “I love you”, and so on. And this can mean having to step way, way out of your comfort zone.

How are we supposed to be confident when it comes to dating, then?

I’m not going to give you some generic advice such as “fake it until you make it” or “just be confident.” You’ve probably already heard that enough times already.

Instead, I’m going to show you the three steps that I used to finally become confident around women.

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Step 1: Understand the Psychology of Confidence

The first step is to understand how the psychology of confidence works.

Simply put, confidence reflects how much faith you have in yourself that you are able to complete a task successfully. This is influenced by your experience as well as the amount of risk involved, and it’s an evolutionary survival tool designed for keeping you out of trouble.

Imagine that you’re in the jungle with a friend and your companion decides that he’s going to fight a lion with his bare hands. You, on the other hand, don’t feel confident about the idea of doing so. One of you is going to be okay and the other… probably not so much.

In order to improve your confidence, you need to build the relevant skills and experience that allow you to have more faith in yourself around what you are trying to accomplish.

Think about the first time that you drove a car. Do you remember how you felt when you first pressed that gas pedal? How you felt when you pulled out into traffic the first time? And how you felt when you drove onto the highway for the first time?

You probably felt a little nervous or unsure of yourself. After all, you had no experience other than studying the textbook in drivers’ ed class. How do you feel when you drive a car today?

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By now, you’ve been driving for hundreds and hundreds of hours. You have a lot more experience and a lot of it just feels like second nature to you. Because of this, you have a lot more faith in your driving abilities today which makes you much more confident than when you were first starting out.

Let’s apply this to dating.

Confidence around dating involves gaining the skills and experiences that allow you to have more faith in yourself around women. One of the most powerful ways for you to approach this is to adopt a growth mindset.

Someone who has a growth mindset knows that their skills and abilities can always be improved. They believe that they have the power to improve themselves and they see failure as opportunities for improvement rather than becoming discouraged by it.

The opposite is a fixed mindset. Someone with a fixed mindset believes that their skills and abilities can’t be changed. They might say things like “I just don’t have what takes” or “I’ll never be as good as he is” or “I’m just not good at this.” Each of these sentences implies some sort of helplessness.

It might take some time to switch from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset, especially if you’ve been following it since you were young. By learning to recognize these types of thoughts as they pop up and then realize that they aren’t true, you’ll slowly be able to adopt the new mindset.

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Step 2: Give Out Drive-By Compliments

The next step is to build up your courage by doing some drive-by compliments. To do this, you give someone a genuine compliment and then vanish.

Here are some examples:

Nice shirt/shoes/pants/jacket!
Your hair is awesome!
You are a beautiful woman!
Looking good!
Your dog is so cute!

This sounds deceptively simple and yet is really awesome.

First and foremost, you cannot possibly be shot down by the people that you approach. Since you are not asking for anything, you risk no social rejection. And you will long be on your merry way before it can ever become awkward.

In addition, you probably made the day of everyone that you complimented. Think about it, the person you just talked to might have been having a really rough day. Suddenly, you step out of the shadows and brighten their mood with a compliment before disappearing into the night again. You’re now the mysterious stranger who went out of his way to make someone else’s day better.

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