How to flirt

Now that you have tackled the issue of approaching women, I want you to take the interaction to the next level and really get the sparks flying!

And it is here that you really need to be sure of what you are doing, because flirting used successfully will tantalize and fascinate the women you meet, whereas flirting done badly will irritate and annoy them.

I am going to share with you the key to playing the flirting game effectively, and the way to really make it work for you. Flirting is fun, and quite often only happens at the start of a relationship, which is a shame. Long-married couples know how to keep flirting alive.

The fun in flirting disappears when you take it seriously. Flirting isn’t about setting the stage for romance, or roping in a woman. It’s an extension of the teasing games you used to play when you were a child. When two adults flirt, flirting acts as an icebreaker to test the chemistry and create a rapport between you and the person you’re flirting with.

So before the next time you go out to a party, or to a club, or to some other social setting where you expect to meet available women, have a serious think about your current flirting techniques (or lack thereof). Are you really taking advantage of your winning personality and showing your best side to women? Or do you doom yourself before you start by feeling nervous, tongue-tied, and inadequate?


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What’s in your head can influence your flirting technique. It’s not enough to worry about what you’re saying. Be aware of what you’re thinking, too. It is so important to be aware of the nonverbal signals you are sending. If your head is full of worries, fear of rejection, and low self-esteem, women will pick up your negative feelings. By projecting your negativity, women will often feel that you’re making them responsible for making things right and making you feel better. That’s a sure way to lose respect.

If you are going to succeed in flirting, you need to put your worries to one side and focus on having a good time. If you’re feeling down, change your attitude before you head out of the house. Flirting requires a playful, relaxed, and fun-loving mood. Remember … positive attitudes attract positive people.

FLIRTING IS NOT LIFE OR DEATH
Most of us know in our minds that it doesn’t really matter whether or not the girl rises to the occasion and flirts back. But it’s hard to believe sometimes. On the opposite end of the spectrum, many men believe that when a woman flirts with them, it’s a clear sign of interest. This can make the situation extremely awkward. It’s right here that people forget what flirting is all about. Flirting is fun and flattering—it’s not about rejection or romantic expectations.

Too many people avoid flirting because they think that flirting sets them up for rejection. If someone doesn’t respond or gives you a dirty look, so what? You had just attempted to try to make them feel better, and they clearly weren’t in the mood.
Don’t overreact if someone snubs you or rebuffs your flirtation. If you get upset at the perceived rejection, you convert a situation which should be about flattering the other person and making them feel good into a dramatic tragedy focused entirely on you. It becomes about your needs and wants, your need to be loved, your need to prove how other people always reject you and how this means your life is a hopeless mess because other people won’t give you what you want. If this sounds like you, you have to ask yourself how it went from flattering the other person to a dating disaster.


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The answer is simple. You misunderstood what flirting is all about.

So many people get the wrong idea when it comes to flirting and how people ought to react to it. Flirting is meant to be playful and light-hearted. Ideally, it exists at the opposite end of the spectrum to heartache. A good flirt has made a choice to be happy. A good flirt has great self-confidence, and he wants to share this joy in life with others.

Because a good flirt believes in and accepts himself, he doesn’t waste mental energy beating himself up for stupid things he said or mistakes he made. Nor is he concerned with needing to have other people like him or accept him. The good flirt is confident, funny, and above all, attractive to women.

The bottom line is that a good flirt can devote all of his energy and focus to another person for a few moments of frivolous fun. His focus is on making the other person feel good about herself, on complimenting her, establishing rapport, and, if successful in this, risking some low-key teasing to get a laugh or a smile.

WHAT MESSAGE YOU SHOULD BE SENDING
When you flirt with another person, don’t confuse this with expressing interest in her. You can flirt with women that you’d never consider dating. When you flirt, keep in mind that the message you want to send is, “Bumping into you has made my day.” NOT “Hey, I really like you.

Flirting is not concerned about the future. It’s focused on the here and now. It’s about enjoying the moment, and above all, having fun.

Imagine this: you have just bumped into someone you find attractive, and he has made you look twice, or even skip a heartbeat. You think to yourself, WOW! She’s really hot, and I’d like to talk with her and see if she sounds as good as she looks.
This is where the joy of flirting comes into its own. A good flirt is not necessarily out to establish a relationship or a romantic liaison, but simply to enjoy what flirting has to offer—and that’s an innocent way to break the ice and put a smile on someone’s face.


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The good flirt knows that even if further contact does not occur, he has given someone a gift by letting that person know that someone finds them attractive. A good flirt knows how to make other people feel their own beauty. Doesn’t that sound great?

A flirtatious comment is a bit more daring than a compliment. A compliment is merely kind and taken as such. A flirtatious comment has a bit of edge that makes it clever, witty, or humorous as well as complimentary.

Flirts always look to find the best in another person. If you aim for, that you can’t go wrong. Even if your flirting doesn’t get you the girl, you’ll be appreciated for your manner and your inspired attitude and that is an attractive quality in itself.

A WIN-WIN SITUATION
Whatever happens in a flirtatious situation, you are both likely to win. And there’s always something loveable and attractive about someone who tries, fails, but stays positive and doesn’t let it get them down.

It’s all about being balanced and happy. It you can learn to love yourself for who you, that love will overflow and make other people want to be around you.
If you have fun flirting, you’ll attract even more people. For one thing, a flirtatious personality will make it easier for others to approach you, since fun is in itself an attractive and magnetic quality. Women may watch you out of the corner of their eyes and hope that you will flirt with them as well, since they want to be a part of the fun that you have to offer.

A GUIDE TO BEGINNING FLIRTS
So now you’re convinced that flirting is fun, innocent, and worth the effort. How do you begin?

It all starts out with deciding whom you approach. If you’re just starting out, it pays to be smart. Once you know who you’d like to flirt with, try to catch the other person’s eye or at least make sure that she is prepared to return a smile. If you want to have a positive experience with someone, then you need some indication that she will be responsive.


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Prepare yourself beforehand. Have an idea of what you want to say. There’s nothing silly about having a little notebook at home where you outline possible topics or lines. (And I’m not talking about pick-up lines!) You’ll find that these few minutes of preparation can really pay dividends when you are in front of a girl desperately trying to think of something to say.

Remember that, as the initiator, you are taking on the responsibility of giving someone else the gift of an easy ride—even if it’s just for a brief time. If you approach someone with a flirtatious comment that easily leads to an engaging topic of conversation, they will feel relieved and will be grateful that you are not putting the onus on them. Giving them a clear opening to flirt back will relax them and make it easier for them to respond. If they find it easy to talk to you, they are more likely to want to talk to you again!

If for whatever reason you feel awkward, accept it. This is normal. If you accept your awkwardness and are okay with it, then you’ll make it easier for the person you’re flirting with because you remove the “something is not OK” vibe and replace it with a sense of ease and flow. If you feel yourself tensing up, take a deep breath and relax your body. Use humor to disguise your awkwardness. If you make light of the situation, it can dissolve a lot of the tension and allow you both to relax!

The goal is to eventually become as comfortable flirting with strangers as you are with chatting to your friends. If you are a confident flirt, women will assume that you’ve had great success with the opposite sex. Naturally, they’ll wonder why … and want to find out for themselves.

The last guideline I have for you is the easiest one: please, please, please be yourself. Don’t try to be something you are not. This will only make you come across as artificial. Not only is trying to put on an act exhausting, but chances are that any real gal can spot an act a mile off. Besides, it’s not worth it, because if she gets to know you better, she will learn the truth anyway.


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So start with a clean slate and tell the truth. You shouldn’t be ashamed of who you are. Women are more impressed by men who are comfortable with who they are and are genuine than by those whom they suspect are lying.

Be genuine, accept any awkwardness, prepare yourself beforehand, and approach someone today. Above all, have fun! Remember that flirting isn’t a precursor to dating but rather an interaction with someone that is taken to the next level. It’s daring, a little bit racy, but the reward is a positive experience that you will both benefit from.

Once you feel confident enough to approach a woman and flirt a little, you’re ready for the next step: meeting a woman you really want to know better.


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